BINGUNG AH

throwing up

so here it goes,

I'm currently working part time in Harmony Land since last October,
a so-called Sanrio Theme Park, still in Oita Prefecture.

1. it starts in the morning, mostly at 8:30;
in which I should get up at 6, cook for my breakfast and lunch, take shower, rush for the first bus to get me to the train station, rushing for the train to get me to Hiji, then wait for another bus from Hiji Station to Harmony Land.

and by the time I get there, I think I only carry half of my life.

2. it takes 2 days of training, and in my case, 3
you know, being a character, or just call it clown, is not as easy as abc. this I'm telling you is the truth. it takes me 2 days for training, without getting any payment, except for the transportation fees. Since I was doing no good as clown, I made it for 3 days. 3 days without getting paid, yes.

So what I did was observing, writing reports, and yes just like school. Plus trying to get into the costumes which is so hot and heavy.

now you got the idea more or less.

3. When I finally get the job, finish the training, my bosses just keep complaining;
about my poses, or about the eye adjustment since the clown's eyes are different to mine, so ya, hmm I need to work my ass off for this adjustment thingy.

4. I finally get paid, on November 10th!
and it was wayy much more than I expected. considering I only worked once besides the training.

5. and now, 70% of the money are all gone;
not because I used it like crazy, I lost it. somewhere.

guess how it feels;
true.
it definitely feels like F*%&Hlifst@!?{K#

I melt to this

"Just close your eyes each loving day,
And know this feeling won't go away,
Every word I say is true,
this I promise you"
(This I Promise You-Nsync)

2010

for those who know me well,
for those who spend much time with me,
for those who see me every single day,
may not believe this thing that I'm feeling.

but yes,
I've been losing my self-confidence lately,
I've been trapped by things called failure,
all-year-long.
thus, I keep on cursing this 2010,

the worse thing is, that I don't know how to wake my self up.

but the good thing is that, 2010 is going to its end, so is my failure.

I wish

Birthday Wishes

Disney Dream Cruise For Bahama,
I'm crossing my fingers.
:)

Of The Month

Most frequently asked:

Did you dye your hair?

Second most:

Did you lose weight?

Third most:

Getting fatter?

I'm a Super Proud Person

Remember how I feel about time that runs so fast?

Tracing me back to the old elementary school times,
when envying my friend's cool school bag, or
seeing them having the newest barbie collection was the only problem.

Now that I have lots of thing in mind,
family, good grades, money, time management, and the lovey-dovey thingy, too,
how I wish I could just open my desk drawer, hop in to a time machine to send me back
to at least 10 years ago.

Yet, I guess that's what gonna happen 10 years from now,
when jobs, crisis, having husband and kids freak me out,
I'll probably want to just go back to where I am.

Yesterday, was a big day for around 500 APU students,
they've finally graduated,
and yes, it includes a very special someone.

oh it's starting to sound a little cheesy, but,
yes it includes you (if you read this).

You're the one, who never really give up on your childish behaviors,
You're the one, who never give up on your dreams,
You're the one, who never really care of what people say about your interest,
You're the one, who has just passed the finish line of college life.
You're the one, who apparently has sketched your path ahead,
You've made it!

No outstanding thesis,
neither to graduate with an outstanding GPA needed,
you've done so much more than that.

you've made me believe
not to give up on my dreams, even though they seem to be impossible,
to keep having faith, even when hope begins to fade,
to believe in you, who believe in me.

And, whenever you feel like your dreams are running away,
or whenever you feel like losing hope,
or whenever you lost your confidence,
or whenever you stop to believe in every Disney thing,

do remember that,
there's someone who will not give up on hope,
because you've made her so.

Congratulations, Randy Remigius.
this whole college chapter may end,
but there's a new story coming as you turn on the page,
so..

All the best for your graduate school in Sweden, and everything.
You still have a long and beautiful journey to continue.




:)

If only

Beppu, September 3rd, 2010

I've been spending the last three days back here in Beppu,
where most of the people are not around, where you got exactly nothing to be done,
and we still have 3 weeks left of the summer vacation.

I flew off along the way back here to Japan, bought a new ticket,
leaving my beloved back in Indonesia
for the sake of the scholarship interview, that I apparently couldn't pass.

Today, I've just realized why I couldn't get it.
My 2 competitors there confidently, exactly know what they wanna do, and so sure of what they are doing.

I don't.

I don't even know what I'm interested in, what I really wanna be, what my passion is all about.

Looking at the calender, laughing to myself.
it's 2010.
I'm now standing by the edge of my teenagers life, will be 20 in the next three months,
without knowing what my passion is all about
pathetic, I know.

I'd been spending most of this teenage life by being so anxious about
my so-called teenage-love-life.

I'd spent almost 5 years talking to the same guy,
been really busy with those text messages, midnight calls, laughter, fights,
cheesy jealousy, the excitement of Saturday night
and the cries whenever we broke up.
whom I later realize that he was not so into me.

He was the only thing I care about,
or I guess so despite of finding what my passion really is.

and are we still together now?
No.

and do this 6 years thingy eventually come up to nothing?
Neither.

I do not regret spending such long time,
I still have a crystal clear remembrance of those times,
at least I'm stronger now
and every single thing in those 5 years made every good in me.

It's not the matter of how much time wasted,
But the way I spend time is the only thing that matters,
from now on.

If only, I could spend those 5 years wisely,
I'd be a lot happier.
I'm sure.

and, by the way,
any idea where to find my passion?

diner dashing

Hey!
Lately I've been doing a part time job as a waitress in a ramen shop nearby my house.
well, it is not actually waitress, it's more like I do all stuffs,
the dishes, cashier, cleaning, taking orders, filling stocks, cutting veggies,
anything besides cooking, the boss does it.

Doing the job for 3 times a week and 3 hours each is kinda like 'okay' for me
though the fact of the low low salary always disappoint me, anyway.

but it's like playing diner dash in real!
you know, when customers come and you bring the menu for them to look, waiting for them deciding while cleaning up the other table and delivering the order to the other table, taking order, prepare it, wash the dishes, and stuffs.

and I realized there are old people who take a long time in deciding what will they eat just like in diner dash, they're real!
and there are ladies who impatient, there are somewhat like bikkhu who only drink sake and read newspapers and order for food an hour later.
aren't they interesting?

the boss was also fun. was.
when there was no customer he opened the wikipedia and asked me about indonesia.
and stuffs like that.

the only thing that i don't like is just the salary!

so yesterday, i came to work at 5:25 cos I do remember that he told me to come at 5:30
but when I wanted to enter the shop he stopped me while he was seriously speaking on the phone. So I was wearing my apron when he finished calling and shouting at me!
he kept saying that I supposed to be there at 5!
I remember it he said to me more than 3 times to come at 5:30

I was like, what the hell?
and he blamed me for not cutting my nails, ok this one is my bad!
and he told me to just go home cos I don't take this job seriously while this job gives me money.

again, i was like what the hell? you haven't even paid my salary for last month!

argh! I was having a bad bad stomach and I still made it to come and what did I got?

so I don't care
I took my nailpolish and start to be me, again.

Bye, ramen shop