throwing up

so here it goes,

I'm currently working part time in Harmony Land since last October,
a so-called Sanrio Theme Park, still in Oita Prefecture.

1. it starts in the morning, mostly at 8:30;
in which I should get up at 6, cook for my breakfast and lunch, take shower, rush for the first bus to get me to the train station, rushing for the train to get me to Hiji, then wait for another bus from Hiji Station to Harmony Land.

and by the time I get there, I think I only carry half of my life.

2. it takes 2 days of training, and in my case, 3
you know, being a character, or just call it clown, is not as easy as abc. this I'm telling you is the truth. it takes me 2 days for training, without getting any payment, except for the transportation fees. Since I was doing no good as clown, I made it for 3 days. 3 days without getting paid, yes.

So what I did was observing, writing reports, and yes just like school. Plus trying to get into the costumes which is so hot and heavy.

now you got the idea more or less.

3. When I finally get the job, finish the training, my bosses just keep complaining;
about my poses, or about the eye adjustment since the clown's eyes are different to mine, so ya, hmm I need to work my ass off for this adjustment thingy.

4. I finally get paid, on November 10th!
and it was wayy much more than I expected. considering I only worked once besides the training.

5. and now, 70% of the money are all gone;
not because I used it like crazy, I lost it. somewhere.

guess how it feels;
true.
it definitely feels like F*%&Hlifst@!?{K#

I melt to this

"Just close your eyes each loving day,
And know this feeling won't go away,
Every word I say is true,
this I promise you"
(This I Promise You-Nsync)

2010

for those who know me well,
for those who spend much time with me,
for those who see me every single day,
may not believe this thing that I'm feeling.

but yes,
I've been losing my self-confidence lately,
I've been trapped by things called failure,
all-year-long.
thus, I keep on cursing this 2010,

the worse thing is, that I don't know how to wake my self up.

but the good thing is that, 2010 is going to its end, so is my failure.

I wish

Birthday Wishes

Disney Dream Cruise For Bahama,
I'm crossing my fingers.
:)